Thursday, December 03, 2009

You'd better watch out!

It's officially December so I feel it is time to talk about my one of my other obsessions, which one I hear you cry? You have so many!

Which is all too very true so I thought I would take a picture to give you some idea of which one it is.

To be honest this is not all the bounty from this year, I know I have at least another 2 magazines I can not immediately put my hands on for this photo opportunity.
And I think I'd need to organize some sort of paparazzi style grainy distance shot to fit all the previous years collections in to show you how much this madness means to me.

My long time readers, provided they haven't passed away from old age, will know my lack of passion for the festive season. Bah humbug I say!

But in these glossy pages are a small bit of heaven, I am deep down secretly a bit of a Mrs Bucket. Alas real world poses those difficult things called "people".
"People" tend to fiddle with your stylish but not quite as slick as the magazine photo centerpieces, touch things, ask annoying questions like "What is it?" or my other favourite "What's in it?" or their late so your baked veg is cold and your salad warm.

As I flick through the glossy pages looking at the photos so many photos of the food and beautiful table settings, a common theme appears.
A lack of "people" in the photos, and do you know what I think it is?

Out there in magazine buying land are secretly more of you, more of you who are also looking at those peopleless photos all glassy eyed imagining getting your good china out of hibernation from the last ice age. Eyeing off floral centerpieces thinking yes, yes I could do that easy enough....
Come on! Admit it you know you love it.

In closing I will share with you my ultimate 10 steps to prepping for Christmas.
Step 1. Secure time alone with the decorations.
Step 2. Once alone with the decorations, adorn yourself with them, multiple strands of tinsel in varying thickness and colour slung non-chantly around your neck is an absolute must.
Step 3. Pop a CD of one-hit-wonder pop stars doing jaunty covers of carols into the CD player.
Step 4. Retrieve your plastic tree with lights still on from the corner where you popped it after last time. (Hint: Leaving your plastic Christmas tree up with lights still attached will save time next Christmas!)
Step 5. Be thrilled with self as you don't need to untangle lights like other poor fools.
Step 6. Pity the other fools.
Step 7. Artfully and carefully place decorations on tree, evenly spaced around unless one side will face a wall. In which case load everything on the front.
Step 8. Put lights on and cheer!
Step 9. Put a ridiculous Christmas hat on while you are still adorned with tinsel and make a cocktail.
Step 10. Sit down put your feet up, sip your cocktail and flick through your Christmas porn while debating if 18 side dishes is enough for your fantasy lunch or if you should squeeze in just one more....

Here's to a happy something for you all from the Darkside.

1 comment:

2paw said...

Pity the fool indeed!! I love and am addicted to those magazines as well, though I missed out on the one. Bah humbug!!
What a a very happy post about That Which Must Not Be Named!!!!
(and my word is 'judger'!!!)_